Progressing

I am trying to progress in my spiritual walk.   Well I would LIKE to, but I’m not devoted to do the work.  Well, I think I am devoted, I’m just very slow in processing God’s Word and internalizing His message for me.  And yes, sometimes I am just plain oblivious to hearing His word.

For many years now I have been getting irritated with myself for attending worship or chapel services and I although I try to sing with my full voice, I end up getting emotional and the tears start to roll, and if I try to ignore it I’ll just end up coughing and stumbling over words and I just stand there in a blubbery mess of emotion.   Am I an overly hormonal old lady?    Why can’t I control my emotions?    I do think singing praise to our father is worth feeling emotion, but it’s like something is trying to tip me over and I don’t like that feeling.

Yesterday, it was finally pointed out to me.   It’s God, trying to tip me over, empty me of myself, so I can fully embrace His presence.  Yesterday morning I was reading a devotional in my Bible App.   Here is what it said:

IN ORDER TO HEAR MY VOICE, you must release all your worries into My care. Entrust to Me everything that concerns you. This clears the way for you to seek My Face unhindered. Let Me free you from fear that is hiding deep inside you. Sit quietly in My Presence, allowing My Light to soak into you and drive out any darkness lodged within you.    From Thomas Nelson’s Jesus Calling® 10th Anniversary Expanded Edition [2014] [Sarah Young]

Hello?   My emotionalism is God helping me to release all my worries.    I hold in my stress.  Ask my blood pressure!   I feel like “life is hard, put on your big girl panties and deal with it!”    And I don’t know how to just lay down my burdens.  And who am I to just dump my stress on Jesus like He hasn’t got enough to deal with.    How rude.     How wrong of me.    If I truly understand how God planned for ME, and all of us to live and grow and prosper, I realize I MUST lay down my stress, my fear, my need to control and let God envelop me in his love, grace and acceptance and if I truly do that, then I really will cry at the release of it all.

So now I know WHY I cry at worship (even though Jen Carozza’s voice and John Carozza’s music can easily bring me to tears!).    And then Pastor McMichael’s message brought it all together.

The message featured the wisemen visiting baby Jesus (Christmas in June? Why YES, thank you!) Transformative worship requires

+ a desire to come meet Jesus
+ bringing your BEST as if you are working not for man but for the Lord
+not returning the same way as you have been changed by the power and presence of Christ working in you!

I can’t wait for my next opportunity to worship God.   I’m gonna sing and cry, and try to sing some more.    I’m gonna present my burdens to God and let HIM work in me so that HE will shine in and through me and I will not leave the same because I will be transformed.   Thanks be to God!   To God be the glory!

Hope does not disappoint

Do you find yourself wondering why God doesn’t speak more directly, only to discover that he is putting a message in your face, on your forehead, and right in front of you if you will only pay attention?

And so often you find that He works in and through the people around you.   What a blessing.   Recently I have had a wise mom and friend help me to rethink things.  She chooses not to “prepare for the worst”.

‘The way I look at things – if you focus on the worst case scenario and it happens, you’ve lived it twice.’  – Michael J. Fox

I’ve been doing it wrong.   I thought I was preparing myself.   But for what?   If you plan and prepare for the worst you are headed in the wrong direction.  Don’t waste your time.

“Life is too short and God is too real to let it go to waste,”  says my dear friend.

I had a big discussion with my 17 year-old son about LaVar Ball (Dad to a top NBA recruit and more sons in line). He has bragged that his son is already better than Steph Curry – among many other bold statements. I argued that he is putting pressure on his kids and setting the kids up for disappointment. My son argues that he is laying out hopes and expectations and is directing his children towards the best – reach for the stars.

“We acknowledge the darkness, but choose to stand in the light,” she says.

This reminds me of a wall hanging my mom made.    When I was in middle school we took a family trip to the mountains for North Carolina.   My mother found a “new kind of sewing” craft kit that had a beautiful saying, along with a border to be made of hand sewn butterflies.    It was a very aggressive project for someone new to this technique, but she was enamored and totally dedicated to completing the project.   The beautiful cross-stitch wall hanging says this:

“We are an Easter people and ‘Alleluia’ is our song!” -St. Augustine of Hippo

Easter is coming! May we all enjoy each and every day – looking forward with HOPE!

“…and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.    Romans 5:5 NASB

 

Don’t overthink – just be thankful and persevere

God has been speaking loudly lately. Pastor Carey spoke about it at Staff Chapel this week. God is speaking, telling us to listen. We need to listen. And I would add, we need to respond to what God is telling us.

The week earlier Pastor Jody talked to us, with visual props, about getting trapped – encountering a stumbling block because we take offense at something, like the Disciples did in Matthew 13:57. I can still hear the sound that came when Pastor Jody pulled the mouse trap he was holding. We allow how we FEEL to take over our thoughts, words and deeds and we could find ourselves stuck like in a trap. At the Children’s Pastors’ Conference (CPC) I attended, preacher Bryan Loritts reminded us to “Always let what you know trump how you feel. Truth is more important than feeling.”

I was going through my notes from CPC and there was a word I wanted to look up. I didn’t catch the origin, but Beth Guckenberger was talking about reconciliation. The word she used was Sulha (Sool-ha) and my notes said “hold against no more – no longer stuck by what was done against me.” I researched and went on a wild chase trying to find this word in a Greek or Hebrew Bible (thankful my boss is a theology scholar from Asbury) but we had no luck. Turns out the word is Arabic. This Arabic term, “sulha” comes from the Hebrew word for table, “shulchan”. A sulha, a meal covenant of reconciliation, is a Hebraic principle found throughout Scripture, though not specifically mentioned. This special meal becomes the means for reconciliation not just between people, but also between man and God.

Psalm 23 says….”You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” (NKJ)

Unless you understand the concept of reconciliation associated with a meal, this verse does not make much sense.

In Hebraic symbolism, God prepares a table before our enemies means that He is making the way possible for us to be “reconciled” to our enemies. That is why our cup overflows (the Hebraic symbol of joy), and surely goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our life as we dwell in the house of the Lord forever. It is our blessed assurance that God will take care of us and even our enemies, providing the way for reconciliation.

Where do we know an act of reconciliation around a table, sharing a meal? The Lord’s Supper is the ultimate sulha.

How beautiful to see Communion as an act of “no longer stuck by that which has separated me from God.” We are forgiven even for what we don’t deserve to be forgiven, and our identity is made anew in Christ.

Beth explained this so beautifully during the conference, but my notes did not transfer well. So it was like discovering it again when I did some research. A concept that I thought I understood, but explained in a new light and it brings more meaning, understanding and grace.

Then I went to my Financial Peace class and watched the video about debt. I was so enlightened that I vowed to watch the video again with my husband and adult son. Dave Ramsey physically illustrated the chains of debt that pervades our society and how it keeps us from obeying God and being able to fully live according to His will. It feels quite like a mousetrap, actually. At the end of the video, Ramsey tells us that we can get free from debt. But we have to run hard….with intensity of a gazelle. And God is waiting for us, because he loves us so and He is waiting for us. He is not mad at us. He loves us.

And if that is not enough, I just finished listening to a young adult book called “I was Here” by Gayle Forman. It is an intense story of a young woman dealing with the suicide of her best friend. The story winds through her grief and encountering hard emotions. One of the best quotes from the book is “Anything that kills hope is a sin.” That’s a good way of defining sin I think. Another point from the book is that we choose how we spend our time. We can choose to spend our time around negative things that kill hope. Or we can do positive things to move forward in a positive light. This is what God wants for us. To live in His light. Run for it….like a gazelle. Forgive others. Forgive yourself and pursue hope.

A facebook friend asked us to share favorite quotes about hope. I shared one of my favorites from Romans 5:3-5: …..”we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.”

Your servant is listening. Speak Lord to my soul.

Persevere – Moving Forward

per·se·vere

ˌpərsəˈvir/   verb

continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success

I take from this definition that being a deer in headlights is not actually a “course of action.”   This is a condition I have mastered through many stages of life.  My excuses are 1) not knowing HOW to move forward, 2) fear of not moving in the right direction or 3) not wanting to experience any pain or discomfort.   And yet God is clearly pointing out to me that it is time to walk through the fire and move forward…..to persevere.    I could argue that I must have persevered because I’m still alive.   But have I grown?   Have I moved forward?   Have I relied on a God who promises to never leave me to help me through whatever lies ahead?    I guess not.   And I do know that God will be with me, that I should not fear, and that persevering means actually MOVING.

Lord, I believe.  Help me in my unbelief.  Let me begin with prayer.   Lord help me in my paralysis.  Guide me in the right direction.  Let me stay focused on you and your will.

This week my dear college friend and her strong boys lost their husband of 28 years/father. Julie mentored me in surviving college and in the South Carolina marching band (go clarinets!), in Tau Beta Sigma, in volunteering and majoring in Journalism and striving for excellence in all that you do. When many of us crumble in pain and loss, Julie finds ways to honor her loved ones and foster perseverance and HOPE in a God who cries with us and helps us through hard times.  In high school she lost a brother in a tragic accident.  These past 28 years she created a beautiful loving family.    She worked her way into a challenging job in the graphics department with the New York Times.  She developed her camera skills into a beautiful lifestyle photography side business that celebrates families and life and God’s creations.   And she has volunteered many hours with her church to celebrate ministry and serve others.   She inspires me so much.

Also, these past 2 years my dear pastor friend has bravely shared his journey as his wife was taken by cancer, leaving him a single parent of two teenagers.   It hasn’t been pretty at all.   Yet he has ministered to me and countless others with weekly breath prayers, meditation videos, and practical blog articles about life in the “valley of suck” that he finds himself in (http://jedipastorken.blogspot.com/).   He continues to persevere and God has been glorified brighter than ever.

As my husband and I look to make a plan for tackling some financial challenges and replacing our beloved HHR car that was given a death sentence, I know that we can make a plan for moving forward and find better days ahead.    As we continue to dream about downsizing, removing clutter, and living in a small (hopefully tiny) house, I know that if we are faithful in prayer and action, God will make a way when there seems like no way.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12 NIV)

Your servant is listening.   Speak Lord to my soul.

My search for relevancy

 

I’m not quite an old church lady……but I”m working on it.    I have been with the church as a child, youth, young adult, married adult and mother.   I’ve seen different phases of worship, new ways of studying the Bible, times of looking inward, and times when social outreach programs became a central identity of the church.  At times I’ve gotten dizzy with the constant need for change in the church.  But it has allowed me to take joy and hold on to a God who is the same each day and yet continues to speak truth and wisdom and hope with each change in our world.    And truthfully, in this day and age, I cling to a mighty God for His direction and guidance more than ever.

 

As I look at my upcoming next phase as an empty-nesting- retirement-challenged-Jesus lover, I know I want to be a relevant contributor in a place that praises God in all circumstances, testifies about a gracious Savior that loves every soul, and helps people of all ages live out their calling as God’s child.   I realize my prayer means that I may have to become more aware of my surroundings, and change my thinking and my approach about reaching other people.   It may mean that I have to be flexible in ways that I have become comfortable in order to make a place for a new Christian to grow and flourish.  It may mean that I have to do things differently or step out of my comfort zone.  May I never get so rigid and set in my ways that I deter someone else from encountering God.

 

I am trusting in God to lead me.  I cling to the old rugged cross, but I take great joy in watching people learn of God’s Amazing Grace for a first or new time.
Your servant is listening, speak Lord to my soul.

I’m with Will.i.am

Father, Father, Father, help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me, got me questioning
(Where’s the love)

2016 and we are still divided because of skin color.   Have we not advanced beyond this YET?  Why not?   Why?   First we need to pray about it.   Thank you BLACK EYED PEAS for using your forum to talk about and pray about it.   Let us pray together…..for unity.

Then we need to learn how to act.   How to act to move forward.  Will.i.am says we need to invest.   We need to sympathize and empathize.

#Whereisthe Love, 2016 remake from the Black Eyed Peas

And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate, then you’re bound to get irate
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that’s exactly how hate works and operates
Man, we gotta set it straight
Take control of your mind, just meditate
And let your soul just gravitate to the love
So the whole world celebrate it

Easier said than done…..but just do it.  You gotta start somewhere.

What inspired this remake?

WILL.I.AM :

We started remaking “Where Is The Love?” in 2016 right after being bombarded by all the things the media were showing – the wickedness of the world, the conflict in Syria, the Paris terrorist attack, the Brussels bombing, the Turkey violence and the Orlando shooting. Every time I looked up there was severe hate and not enough love, so I wanted to get all of my friends together and re-imagine what we did after 9/11 with “Where Is The Love?”

We just wanted to ask the questions, “Where is the humanity in things? Whatever happened to the fairness and equality?” Instead of spreading love, we’re spreading animosity. What’s wrong with the world?

http://www.npr.org/2016/09/11/493491886/black-eyed-peas-hit-where-is-the-love-remixed-in-2016-to-remind

And if you never know love, then you never know God, wow
(Where’s the love)
Where’s the love y’all? I don’t, I don’t know
Where’s the truth y’all? I don’t know

Lack of understanding leading us away from unity.

Father, Father, Father, help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me, got me questioning
(Where’s the love)

 

Dear Lord,

Make me an instrument of thy peace.   Show me the way.   Give me courage to ACT.

Let it Brew

How long does transformation take?   If you can see where you want to be, can’t you just keep taking steps forward and eventually get there?   I think so, but sometimes life gets in the way, and we get stopped or sidetracked.   But there is something to staying focused on our goals, and be patient and LISTEN for God.   I’m not so good at that last part….being patient and sometimes I forget to LISTEN too.   That’s shameful really, because I think God is eager to talk with us.  It’s a discipline.

Sometimes God asks us questions.  And when he does, we can rest assured that He already knows the answer.  God questions us as a way to get us to think of things that are important, life-changing, monumental….even if it seems like a very plain question.

God asked Adam, “Where are you?” in Genesis 3:9.   God asks Moses “What is in your hand?” in Exodus 4:2.   Jesus asks “Who do you say that I am?” in Mark 8:29.   These are simple questions that allow us to see and know the Wonder of our God.   In our mundane world I forget that God is awesome and amazing and marvelous…..even in the here and now.   And sometimes God works in tiny, baby steps that we hardly notice, and other times he works in big gigantic fashion.   We just never know.   But each and every day is filled with possibilities.

Psalm 139 (The Message)

^1-6 God, investigate my life;
    get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
    I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
    before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
    then up ahead and you’re there, too—
    your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
    I can’t take it all in!

^7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
    to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
    If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
    to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
    you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
    At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
    night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

^13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

^17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
    God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them—
    any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
    And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
    all the men and women who belittle you, God,
    infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
    see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
    Your enemies are my enemies!

^23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
    find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
    get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
    then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Work to do

Yesterday I listened to Sunday’s sermon by Pastor Jody Ray.   I was very touched and knew I wanted to remember the points so I made this visual.    I was surprised to discover that one way of getting unstuck is to choose forgiveness.    I have things to forgive that I don’t even know about…or maybe didn’t want to acknowledge as something I could choose to forgive.

My first thoughts of action when I am hurt or angry is to retreat…just walk away…close the door.   I don’t want to work it out, go through more pain or worse yet, choose to forgive.   That’s hard, and it takes a lot more time and energy than just walking away.   But if it’s something worth keeping, then it’s worth working on.    Dang it.   I’ve been stuck in the middle.   I haven’t shut the door, but I haven’t addressed some issues that are keeping me stuck.   Not making changes means nothing changes.    Dysfunction continues or worsens.

Getting unstuck means moving forward.   It may mean choosing to forgive…others or even yourself.   If you are stuck because of shame/regret of something in your past, we must be faithful and accept an incredible gift from God…..he does not remember.

As far as east is from west—
    that’s how far God has removed our sin from us.     Psalm 103:12

I’ve often heard the phrase “Be like Jesus” and although it’s a hard concept, it is something to visualize as we imagine Jesus in the flesh.   But “Practice being God” which says the same thing sounds even harder and impossible.   God is omnipotent….I can’t do that.

I can get myself in a tangled theological mess if I keep at it.   Getting unstuck may mean choosing to forgive.   If God can forgive AND forget our sins, so can we.   I’m not perfect like God and I never will be.   But that doesn’t mean I cannot strive to be like Him.   God uses imperfect, simple things all the time for His purposes.

Forgiveness is hard and beginning to forgive is hard too.   Let’s just keep it simple with “All things are possible with God”  Matthew 19:26

Dear God, help me choose to forgive.   Help me get out of the way and let you shine through me.   I don’t know how to do it.     Lord, have mercy.       Amen.

 

 

 

The Aftershocks

In the midst of a busy time at work, stuff going on with my kids, and financial challenges of budgeting maintenance for older cars, God is tugging at my heart and soul and I feel both the joys and pressures of listening to God.

He continues to work on me through my last post “Knowing Your Why”.    In the past year, I discovered a new worship song that just tugs at me.  The lyrics include Scripture from Joshua 3:5 “Consecrate Yourselves to me, and you will see amazing things.”   This scripture captures me.    When Pastor Jody told us about amazing things happening in the here and now, I was reminded of this scripture.   Our Lord is amazing.   His works are awesome.   This world is full of beauty and wonder.   How can we best tune in to see and know the awesome works of our God?

“Consecration means, “I will set aside the typical and put my spirit on ready to see where God is working around me so that I can join Him.” To cross the uncrossable we must 1) Fix our gaze on Jesus–sensing His movements and follow; and 2) Set ourselves apart from sin unto Him, being on constant alert spiritually for the hand of the Lord around us”

Sermon by Lloyd Stilley,

http://www.lifeway.com/Article/sermon-crossing-our-jordan-joshua-3

The spirit is willing but the flesh is week.     This takes discipline.   This takes focus.    Do I have time for this?   How do I not have time for this?

All that I am facing and worrying about in my life will be worked out when it’s worked out.   Give it to God and leave it.    But I’m the one that wants to FIX it.   Am I male?   I think even though I’m the youngest of three girls, I took on some typically male instincts along the way.

I digress, but shouldn’t I be DOING something?

“Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” Proverbs 16:27

Scripture clips can be wonderful inspiration…or dreadfully misinterpreted.    Ultimately, “There is a season for everything……a time for keeping silent, and a time for speaking” (Proverb 3).   Which also means a time for listening and a time of waiting.   How do we know which?     Prayer….and waiting.    Instead of wallowing in worry, we must work the serenity prayer.   We must meditate and surrender.   God’s been trying to tell me this over and over and over.   Am I listening?    Am I ready to surrender?    After getting 2 children to adulthood and a 3rd almost there, I might be seeing that I can let worries slowly destroy me, or let trust allow me to rise above all worldly dangers.

I can let worries slowly destroy me, or let trust  in Him allow me to rise above all worldly dangers.    

This is where the remaining lyrics of that worship song guide me.

We need Your revival
Holy Spirit fire
Burning ever brighter
In our souls
Kings and kingdoms falling
Hear your people calling
King of Kings we need a miracle

God can work a miracle in me by letting me learn how to trust in Him.    Praise the Lord!   Let it be so!    Help me get out of my own way.

The King is among us
And His glory surrounds us
And His fire is falling as we sing
The Savior is for us
And His love is victorious
And revival is rising in His name

Elevation Worship,  “The King is Among Us”, Wake up to the Wonder, 2014

Revival is here.  I’m ready to follow You, dear Lord.   Work in me, O Lord.   Lead me.