I am trying to progress in my spiritual walk. Well I would LIKE to, but I’m not devoted to do the work. Well, I think I am devoted, I’m just very slow in processing God’s Word and internalizing His message for me. And yes, sometimes I am just plain oblivious to hearing His word.
For many years now I have been getting irritated with myself for attending worship or chapel services and I although I try to sing with my full voice, I end up getting emotional and the tears start to roll, and if I try to ignore it I’ll just end up coughing and stumbling over words and I just stand there in a blubbery mess of emotion. Am I an overly hormonal old lady? Why can’t I control my emotions? I do think singing praise to our father is worth feeling emotion, but it’s like something is trying to tip me over and I don’t like that feeling.
Yesterday, it was finally pointed out to me. It’s God, trying to tip me over, empty me of myself, so I can fully embrace His presence. Yesterday morning I was reading a devotional in my Bible App. Here is what it said:
IN ORDER TO HEAR MY VOICE, you must release all your worries into My care. Entrust to Me everything that concerns you. This clears the way for you to seek My Face unhindered. Let Me free you from fear that is hiding deep inside you. Sit quietly in My Presence, allowing My Light to soak into you and drive out any darkness lodged within you. From Thomas Nelson’s Jesus Calling® 10th Anniversary Expanded Edition  [Sarah Young]
Hello? My emotionalism is God helping me to release all my worries. I hold in my stress. Ask my blood pressure! I feel like “life is hard, put on your big girl panties and deal with it!” And I don’t know how to just lay down my burdens. And who am I to just dump my stress on Jesus like He hasn’t got enough to deal with. How rude. How wrong of me. If I truly understand how God planned for ME, and all of us to live and grow and prosper, I realize I MUST lay down my stress, my fear, my need to control and let God envelop me in his love, grace and acceptance and if I truly do that, then I really will cry at the release of it all.
So now I know WHY I cry at worship (even though Jen Carozza’s voice and John Carozza’s music can easily bring me to tears!). And then Pastor McMichael’s message brought it all together.
The message featured the wisemen visiting baby Jesus (Christmas in June? Why YES, thank you!) Transformative worship requires
+ a desire to come meet Jesus
+ bringing your BEST as if you are working not for man but for the Lord
+not returning the same way as you have been changed by the power and presence of Christ working in you!
I can’t wait for my next opportunity to worship God. I’m gonna sing and cry, and try to sing some more. I’m gonna present my burdens to God and let HIM work in me so that HE will shine in and through me and I will not leave the same because I will be transformed. Thanks be to God! To God be the glory!