Pay it forward

I should be changed.  It should be the highlight of my week.  It’s definitely something I need to take notice of and not take for granted.     This week I was the recipient of a pay it forward gift.   In the hours and days since then, life continued.   But I don’t want to let the busyness of life, nor my apathy allow it to pass without comment.

My mornings are crazy.   Not only do I have to get myself up and ready, I have three kids going to three different schools to get ready.     Hubby has already left for work at 5:45.  And some of my children are NOT morning people.    I’ve chosen to give them as little time as possible for fighting and piddling, so from the minute I wake them at 6:30 it’s rush, rush, rush to get out the door.     I usually take middle child to school for morning intramurals, but on Tuesday I had to take all three to school.    My oldest had to be at school early and I can’t leave the youngest to catch the bus on his own.     I pass the Elementary school first, but I can’t drop off before 7:30 so I have to drive up to the middle school and then high school, then back down to the elementary school.   After three drop offs it’s time to begin my commute to work…whew!    So I decided to stop at the Quick Trip for a morning treat.     I didn’t have a lot of cash, so after I got my drink, I counted my change to make sure I had enough.     I shoveled past other busy people and got in line.    When I got up to the counter, the clerk told me the guy in front of me paid for mine.    I glanced toward the exit and the man waved and walked out.      At first I was a little nervous.   Was he expecting anything from this gift?    Did he intend to persue a conversation or even a relationship?   I was in a hurry!     But I did need to say thank you.  I hurried out the door and called after him “THANK YOU!”    The man said “you’re welcome,” and told me that last week a lady in front of him paid his bill and when  he thanked her she just said the only thanks was to pass it on.    I told him I appreciated it and to have a nice day.   He got in his car and left.

The bill he paid was about $2, but the intent was priceless.      I wonder if he paid my bill because I was counting my change, or if he just decided today was the day before he came in.       Was he helping me because I looked needy?  An instant of pride made me want to run back in and pay my own bill.   And then I felt and understood all about receiving and accepting an underserving gift.

We have all been offered an gift we do not deserve.    Regardless of whether we knew we needed it or not, a sacrifice was made on our behalf.     It’s appropriate that right after Easter, I have been given such a touching example of receiving an undeserved gift.

Easter is not just a celebration of an event that happened 2000 years ago.   In 2009 we celebrate that God loves each of us so much.     Each day we celebrate that Jesus decided to pay it forward on our behalf so that our sins are forgiven.     All that he asks is that in return, we love one another.

A simple, kind act can make a world of difference.     It all comes full circle again.    Watch this:   lyric video of Israel Houghton’s”Power of One.”

Not much better

Why is it we take such joy in hearing about how other people mess up?   Maybe to justify that “At least I’m not THAT bad!”   I felt that way briefly after church today when the sermon was about Peter and Paul…..people that betrayed and failed to support Jesus.    What a mess.  But am I really that much better?  I’m an admitted apathetic.  My pastor says those who give in to apathy fail to rely on faith….we turn our back on God.   Turns out I’m not much better than Peter or Paul.    

But instead of trying to find my spot in the best to worst line of faithfulness, I’m learning that God gives us opportunity to overcome our weaknesses. God will use us right where we are.   We could deny God today, and He will use us for His glory tomorrow.    He KNOWS my weaknesses, my failures, and yet he STILL makes use of me.    If I wallow in apathy, I miss the opportunity to be used by God.  

I really feel convicted by that.   My daughters’ best friend is moving to South Carolina.   She is so bummed and feels like she is losing her friend.   They are moving back to be closer to family.    The mother told me that she is concerned about health and financial issues and doesn’t want to be “out here alone.”     She said “I can ask family for help when I can’t ask other people.”      I have not made myself available.    Most times I feel like I can barely take care of myself and my own family.     Why is it that I get so protective and seem unwilling to help others in need?    Why can’t I be a part of community that helps each other out?   Do we have to be blood related before we lend a hand? Don’t I trust that my church family would help me out if I needed it?     If so, then I need to help out more.   

I can make an extra casserole and make it available when someone needs it.    I can pick up something for someone who is homebound or recuperating.    I can lift up people in prayer during a rough time.     There is plenty I can DO, that God will allow me to DO if I am willing.   

The Bible tells us stories of people who failed to trust in God, and yet God continued to persue them.   He continues to persue us.

Your servant is listening.  Speak Lord to my soul.

It comes full circle

An old worship song has been in my head for the last week or so.    Thank goodness for Google.   What did we do before google?    

I can remember sitting in church about 7-8 years ago and right in the middle of the sermon, the pastor led us in singing “Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me…..make me, mold me, fill me, use me.”     It was spontaneous, acapella, and with one voice we all sang….we communed with God as we sang out our hope.   Very powerful.    

This hymn often leads into a newer hymn called “Change my heart, O God.”    Songwriter Eddie Espinosa says the words just came to him as he was driving his car, talking with God one day.    He says he “never expected or wanted anyone to hear that song, because it was my Psalm 51 – my confession to God.”    Thankfully the song has become well known and is loved by those who long to see God transform our lives into something useful.    

Change my heart oh God
Make it ever true
Change my heart oh God
May I be like You 

You are the potter
I am the clay
Mold me and make me
This is what I pray 

Today in my small group reflection, we looked at Psalm 51: 10-15.   We looked at a traditional reading from NIV and then also from The Message.    The version from The Message seems quite different, with more imagery.   The more traditional version is one I know well.   In the Lutheran liturgy (the church I was raised in) we sing it as the offertory each Sunday.  As the ushers bring the offering back to the altar for a blessing, we (the congregation) ask God to restore us and make us whole.   

I can only imagine trying to sing the “The Message” version.  

God, make a fresh start in me, 

shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. 

   Don’t throw me out with the trash, 

      or fail to breathe holiness in me…….. 

As I have been learning how God uses “messy” people that live in chaos, this scripture and the hymns in my mind bring me hope and renewal.   Out of the mess and chaos of my life, God,the potter, can turn it all into something useful according to His purpose.  

One other song is playing in my head.   It’s from Israel Houghton’s new CD that was released this week.    The album is called “The Power of One” and the song “Moving Forward” tells about not looking back….

You make all things new

You make all things new

I will follow You forward 

Tis the season of Spring, where indeed God makes all things new.  Amen!

Change the World

Thank you Andy Stanley.   I think I pinpointed my main flaw and now I know what to work on.     In his Bible Study called ‘Go Fish”,  Stanley breaks it down and explains what it takes to be a Christian.   We tend to overcomplicate things.

God loved and God gave, all who believe will have eternal life.

As he explained the believe part, that’s when the light bulb went off.    Stanley visually demonstrated that to believe is like sitting on a stool.    Believing is not talking about the stool, nor pointing to the stool.  The only way to fully believe is to fully sit on the stool.    Many of us, self included, are leaning on the edge, not fully trusting that the stool will hold us.

What’s even more telling is to hear Stanley say that our salvation has nothing to do with attending church, being disciplined, straightening up, or even being “committed” to God.   It is not what we DO.    What a novel concept.     We humans still don’t want to buy that.    We like to rate what we do according to how good or bad it is as if there is a scorecard that will determine our direction.

There are many mysteries about God.    Some of the Bible stories have more questions than answers.   Why God allows bad things to happen still troubles us at times.    However, that does not negate the simple story that all we need is to live our life with the JOY in knowing that God loves and God gave.  That knowledge gives us power and with that power we can make a difference.   It’s all coming full circle.

I think of the little engine that could.   When he didn’t believe, he stumbled and fell back.    When he DID believe he would move forward.   Some days are one step forward, two steps back……but where are you headed?

Thanks to Andy, and Israel, and my coworkers, and Gospel Music Channel……I’m building up steam and sprouting some wings!

Lord, I believe.   Help me in my unbelief.

The Power of One

Just HAD to blog about the wonderful night I had at the taping of a new show on the Gospel Music Channel. The show is called REVEALED and features Christian artists sharing their music and the stories behind the songs. I won tickets to the taping of ISRAEL HOUGHTON talking mostly about songs on his new album “The Power of One.” 

Now I know we shouldn’t idolize other humans. I don’t. But I am totally awestruck by this awesome musician, Christian and worship leader. He is a joyful man, and I can only hope that I learn to be so joyful. What a blessing.

Israel surrounds himself with awesome people. His band is wonderfully talented and professional. He has wonderful friends who help him write great music. We don’t live in a vacuum. I think it’s important to be around others who inspire you. 

Taping a show for television means a hard night of work. Each song was performed twice. Lights had to be adjusted. Tapes had to be replaced. Sound levels had to be adjusted. I think it will be a one hour show, and we were there taping for 4 hours. 

It’s hard to define the music style of Israel. It’s praise and worship with a lot of SOUL. He co-wrote several songs with his Hispanic friend. You can hear the Latino vibe. In another song you would believe he is Jamaican. The title song of his new CD, called “The Power of One” sounds much like Stevie Wonder. Eclectic, soulful, R&B…..it’s all awesome sounding stuff!

I loved all the songs he performed. His music is biblical, inspiring, positive, joyful and just very cool. His new CD is going to be a big hit, I think….and I truly believe that The Power of One will be a transforming hit for him. The song just rocks. All I can say is Amen because the song is truly a prayer for us Christians to realize that each one of us can make a difference and when we all work together, we can change the world. How awesome would it be if us Christians actually lived and produced from the JOY of God’s love for us. I know I want to make a difference. I’m WITH YOU Israel!

I did not realize that he wrote the song “Friend of God” that was recorded by Phillips, Craig and Dean. He and one of his guitar buddies co-wrote that song and he performs it in the show. It’s very touching. 

I think the episode will run in April sometime. The show premiers with Third Day on March 28, I think.   And The Power of One will be released on March 24. 

Here’s a pic I will cherish for a long time.   This was taken after the 4 hour taping.   What a generous man!

 

Me and the awesome Israel Houghton

I’m a mess

I have known that I am a mess for a long time.   Finding the motivation and faith to do something about it has been a test of faith, a fight against will, and a constant need to give control over to God.      The thing is, I just get overwhelmed with all of my messes.

I need to pray more and worry less.   Although I have to say I’m getting better.   Practice makes it much easier.    Pray often.  It’s where we open the communication for a relationship with God.   

I need to save more and spend less.    I need to quit beating myself up for past stupid mistakes and start addressing how to make wiser decisions that help me reach goals.    

I need to exercise more and eat less.    Losing weight and getting healthier is not rocket science.   These two areas are the basis for improving health.  I know this, and yet I am not consistent.    Getting a puppy at Christmas has helped me get more exercise, but we sure didn’t do a good walk out in the freezing sleet yesterday.    I was a couch potato, and I made comfort foot and plopped.     Rest is good, but gluttony is non productive.   When will I learn?

I need to have more patience and less frustration when it comes to parenting.    Although my mind knows that the kids don’t intentionally do things just to aggravate me, I take their words and actions personally and strike back before presenting a calm and throughtful response.    .   I figure by the time they’re raised and out the door, I’ll have it down pretty good.   

I need to clean more and clutter less.    A visit to my parents tells me where I get it from.   And I take comfort that I’m “not as bad as that” but are we measured on a scale?    And although I know what my “piles” are, it still looks like clutter.   And barely staying on task for the routine household duties means that the “extra” things for cleaning and clutter never get addressed.    I need to patiently learn to involve my family in helping out on a consistent basis.  It’s time to make a plan and do a little each week to reach a goal.   

It seems like I’m surrounded by  lots of  ”Mary Poppins” who are “practically perfect in every way” in all these areas that I struggle.    Why does normal life in this society just seem more than I can handle?    I keep thinking I’m not meant for this day and age.    I’d make a good hermit.    But my lot in life is a wife, mother, church worker, homeowner, middle class American and I need to accept my roles and give it my best.     And the fact that I can’t rise above mediocre just makes me feel defeated.  

But God  allows us to use our trials to grow in devotion with Him.     He will not forsake me.   I don’t need to just “survive” my trials waiting to learn to trust God.    Abraham lived a long life before fully trusting God.    And even though he obeyed him it took him longer still to fully trust him and finally submit, ready to fulfill God’s harshest request.      Will I  continue to cry out to God but not be willing to listen to what he might need from me?

Immediately, what came to my mind was something about “with God’s help, we will so order our lives…..”.    Thanks be to God for the internet and google searches!    It’s in the congregational response we use in the baptismal service, when we, as a congregation, pledge to mentor and lead His children.  

Whether I feel confident or not, equipped or not, or even want to, I need to live as an example.   Buck it up, and do your best.    

With God’s help, I will so order my life after the example of Christ, that (both children and parents) OR (all around me) are surrounded by steadfast love, that they may be established in the faith and strengthened in the way that leads to life eternal.

Last week I learned how some of God’s people prayed for boldness to speak the Word of God. (Acts 4).    

Lord, I ask that you grant me boldness to speak and act according to Your will….that I may use the opportunities that you have for me to be used for your glory.    Amen.

Please may I have another

I wonder what my life would be like if I came home from work and spent some time in quiet meditation with the Lord?  Today I did just that.   Well, I stopped by the quiet Ash Wednesday service at my church.   Since we are a new church and don’t have our own space yet, we met at the clubhouse of a neighbor subdivision.   

How awesome to just walk in and take a huge sigh to clear my mind and prepare my heart for worship with God.    Brandon played quiet acoustical music.   I read and meditated.  I received the ashes and commnion.   I wanted to stay longer, but I was grateful for what time I had.   

1% of a day is just 24 minutes.    During this Lenten season, I plan to devote an intentional and dedicated 24 minutes in meditation.   I already pray and read my Bible and a devotional or two.  But admiittedly, I’m always hurried and not always “present”.     My Lord deserves more.    24 minutes in a 24 hour day seems paltry…..but it’s a start.    With dedication, who knows where it might lead me.

You make everything glorious

Crazy, busy morning. My cold lingers. Kids are grumpy. Then enters David Crowder “You make everything glorious.” A quiet peace emerges.

God is good. I am reminded to be grateful that I have a HOME, a CAR, healthy kids that I can share and care with. I am blessed.

Suddenly my attitude changes and my day is brighter.

Taking the Initiative

Well can you speak any louder, God?    I get the feeling that if you just slow down and listen, God will speak.    My problem is that I think I will slow down later, that I can’t control the noise in my life….so I’ll listen later.    And that is why I’m a wandering Christian with no real plan in life.   So I’ve been lamenting to God that I’m ready for change, ready to move forward.

First step is to pray, and then take initiative.   I’ve been reading Oswald Chambers, “My Utmost for His Highest” as a daily devotional.   What wonderful stuff.   This week the devotionals are about taking initiative against drudgery, despair, depression……three things I often struggle with.   I don’t struggle to an overwhelming degree, but enough to get off course and  be non-productive.

Each day is a new day – with its own opportunities.    To take full advantage, we have to get out of bed, and get ready.    Part of getting ready is praying, and trusting in God to guide us.

It’s my goal to work on a morning routine where I do just that.

Let it be, dear Lord.   Let it be.

A Generous Prayer Life

Good Christians don’t believe in coincidences.   We call them “God incidents” or something.    I’ve been contemplating starting a spiritual journal for a while now.   I’ve been active on the net for a long, long time.   I’ve been journaling in the Live Journal Community for years.    But I want a journal specifically to document my thoughts and progressions in my faith journey.   That’s scary because sometimes I do feel “dried up” and I don’t want to start something that is abandoned for days, weeks….or longer.  

But I have to start somewhere and it takes a little faith.   My prayer is that this journal will document how I rise above my struggle with apathy, and learn to be strong in my faith in all aspects.   

And prayer is a good place to start.    

Today’s sermon at Crossroads UMC was all about having a Generous Prayer Life.    As a new mission church, we need a lot of prayer.   Our area had been growing like weeds and some of our schools were at 200% capactiy.    The housing slump and economic downturn has definitely slowed things down.   While it’s good to catch our breath, adjusting to things happening at a slower pace can wear on your patience.   Prayer is needed.

I’m not a new mother.  My oldest is 15 – but raising teenagers sure takes prayer as well.   Although my kids are pretty awesome, parenting has been a bog challenge for me.  

I’m surrounded and constantly reminded that whether or not you know how to begin a new endeavor, you need to be grounded in a stable and consistent prayer life.  I think I need a little work in this area, as I keep getting reminded to pray.    But it’s all good, you can never have too much prayer.  

Resources:   The Lord’s Prayer, The Serenity Prayer, Philippians 4:6